Making friends is one thing but keeping great friends is another. Growing up I never had as many friends, the type people call “best friend” but I understand now that friendships happen for a reason and also making new friends shouldn’t mean losing old ones. The fact that I never had much did not make me bad friend material I just hardly found the right amount of connection. I however sometimes wish I had certain friendships. Just imagine if Zahra Buhari was your childhood friend 😊😂…you know
Well I am sharing secrets from personal and shared experiences on what great friendships takes in this post
1. Be thorough in your conversations.
As humans of diverse backgrounds our understanding of issues differ. Even twins misunderstand each other. abii…Our conversations must therefore highlight the details in plain black and white. Be generous with words in getting your point across. Don’t speak to the other person in sparse words and expect them to decode your whole idea. If you are on the other end, ask questions when you don’t understand. You either say it as it is or dont say it at all. Certain subject matters can be off limits but when they are inevitable make sure you are as open as possible.
2. Be Vibrant
This is just a way of saying be lively, don’t be boring. Be ready to share your thoughts on just about everything. Be it about money, your parents, your insecurities or doubt, your hate for broke guys..yea… I have to be real. I like when i am able to relate with one person on several levels. Whilst we may not share the same ideas entirely, i would be interested enough to acknowledge yours and give you the freedom to be yourself with me. I also realised that it takes enthusiasm to deal with challenges knowing there is someone to talk and laugh things over with. I however have noticed people try to be who they are not around me just to be relevant….don’t pretend, be you but don’t be boring!
3. Keep in touch
When you are with your friends you see each other and talk often, that you don’t see how growing up can cause you to grow apart. Calls turn into chats yhen ocasdional texts and days apart become years apart and you ask your self how did we ever get here? It is important to keep in touch and keep each other up to date with what’s happening in your life. The paranoid african woman in me will not let me be so vocal but we are working on it…lol ….That way they still feel a sense of belonging so when they move on to another phase of life they still carry you along. When you communicate try to discuss how you hope to spend your time together when next you meet. It makes it easy and necessary that you have each other in mind as you make your life plans. Keeping touch is much more than Facebook and Instagram likes or WhatsApp hello-hi chats. If you are keeping in touch it is because you cherish them beyond the present and they have a place in your future.
4. Be invested enough to make it work and selfless enough to let go.
As they say all good things must come to an end. Its sad and i know. It is imperative therefore to give friendships and all other ships your best. Makes sacrifices if you have to especially in situations when it does not undermine your personal values. Spend quality time together doing stuff and creating memories. Be intentional about your (genuine) conversations and let them be and edifying. When people leave your life or vice versa, they should be able to remember you for the real you and the values you hold dear. When that time comes and you know you need to, pls let it go. Don’t hold on because there are certain things that need to happen in your life or the other person’s life that has nothing to do with your/their presence.
5. Don’t start what you can’t finish
This is as straight forward as it is. It is not strange for people to have certain expectations of you, for acceptance to come but Don’t force it. On the other hand, we give too many chance for mediocrity to a point where respect is lost. Don’t do what you won’t do months down the line just because you want to keep people-pleasing. From day one be yourself but don’t waste time and resources trying to prove anything. If you start what you can’t finish it will finish you. Geniune Friendships will however take people to their next level.
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Yours truly Ije 💐
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; Ecclesiastes 3 vs 7