Hello Fam ♥,
Welcome back to my blog!
I do not know if i should say i know why, but i have always gotten this question from my friends and even people i have barely known. Mostly along the lines of “How did you know he/she is the one?”, “Okay, how do you know who to settle for?”, “What signs did you see in your husband that made you decide he was the right one?”, “Are there particular traits a person must show?”. After my last post, it was no surprise that i also got similar messages in my dm and i choose to address it here. Infact, I kind of anticipated that i would make this post so i had started working on it just before i published the previous post.
I will not lie these days the dating thing is hard, even marriages are becoming more fragile. I must tell you that i thank God that i did not make it this far being single, because with the way i am tuned, i am sure i wouldn’t have been cut out for all the new era pizzazz (I have been waiting to use this word….lol) and fanfare style of relationships.
RELATED: THIS ADULTING THING
Well just forget these little things, lets get back to the baseline. As i was saying……the essence of this post is not to point me out as a pro neither is it to present myself as perfect…nope! I am learning everyday and i am just pointing out some core details and hoping to give someone direction. It will be nice to hear your opinions, I am sure to find interesting and new ideas. So here are some points to consider:
A good guy has to kip it real with you.
He puts away every form of pride he may have when he is with you just because his mind is in the right place and his ego is not what matters. What matters is where you are both headed. He’snot be afraid to discuss his past and future with you no matter how silly it is. You are basically friends. Whenever you wrong him, he corrects you with one hand and brings you closer with the other hand. You may be saying, “Oh! i don’t even care about his past, it is the future that matters” but the past is important. It serves as a baseline for a well rounded judgement of character and personal growth. You can judge if he has hostile tendencies. It makes it easy to see how far he has come and how the events in his life has played a role and going forward you will be guided. It is a given that you maybe in his past and/or future someday. When people say “He was not so rich but i saw prospects in him”, they did not casually accept to spend eternity with someone based on a 2-year relationship.
He thinks you are amazing.
He does not just see you for who you are, so you can easily wear your flaws in the relationship without pressure. Basically, you don’t feel ashamed of anything about you around him. It may be that bulging belly button of yours. If you feel that he may judge you slightly for that, then maybe one day he is likely going to blame your mother for not using the right body cream for you hence, your dark skinned tone….(i kid you not) I am sure you know how much that will hurt. Life is too short to live everyday working steady to impress one person. You can be yourself and be loved by many.
When you have found the one, here is how you will know- A true friend knows your weakness but shows you your strengths; feels your fear but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. – William Arthur Ward
He pushes you to be the best version.
He is the one that will always discourage you from chickening out off challenging ventures. With him you feel like you can conquer the world. You will never feel the need to tuck your confidence away when he is there. How do you think these great women are getting their voices heard and making the kind of change the world needs and still have a wonderful marriage? There partners were their number one fans from way back. Before you and i noticed them, their partners already saw them on top from the kick off. They are not intimidated by your aspirations and dreams. To him you can be it all; His friend, helpmeet, wife, mother of his kids, the best version of you, that successful independent woman.
Communication is key.
All this means that you have an open communication line. It is not always about saying i love you and going out on lunch and dinner dates. Even silence is a mode of communication because it helps you get the attention you need, to get the message across. Communication is in everything and every aspect of your lives.
Trust your instincts.
Your instincts will tell you. Most of the time your instincts are right, 100% right. Let not all the lunch and dinner dates and fancy things be cloud your reasoning. Asides all of this, it has to genuinely feel like it is too good to be true. He may not check all the boxes but you feel like those outliers don’t even count. You know what they say? Real recognize Real, and thats how it will work. Like i said in my previous post, you cannot get what you can give.
You start out as friends and then it grows but then this is what makes it special;
To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.
When you have found the one, here is how you will know-
A true friend knows your weakness but shows you your strengths; feels your fear but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. – William Arthur Ward
Communication is key, but overall the fear of God is Keyest. Nothing like a man that fears God. His mission will coincide with God’s will for your life too. Because you acknowledge the supremacy of God over you life, He will bring the best to you. Together you both can weather all the storms of life.
This is a long post already, geezzz! I never “hespered” it.
What are your thoughts? I love to read them.
Like and subscribe guys….xoxo
Can two walk together, except they be agreed? – Amos 3:3