The most significant life transitions many people crave for, at least in this part of the world, especially for women is the transition from Single to Married. Newly weds, especially if you are not planning to have babies anytime soon, can get a way with many things, but with new responsibilities or like when the babies start coming, then parenting; some disruptive lifestyle changes become non negotiable. This is because, your happiness and sanity will rely on your approach to these occurences.
So, in plain terms, this is not about giving up your last name, or your private space, bank account details, your job or Location. Its about the intricate things nobody gets to see from the outside, how something so incomplex can take a toll on your day to day existence in Marriage.
When people say, I cant wait to get married and settle down, Im just here looking at them and going like “settle into what exactly?” Fam there is no settling down here, you garra stay woke man!
Speaking of which the first adjustment i made as i transitioned from Single to Married was getting used to:-
Sleep deprivation –
You can’t afford to go about your days looking grumpy, in marriage. Fam, there is a difference between sleeplessness and sleep deprivation. If you are a sleep lover like i used to be, just start training yourself now. It can be so annoying, but this has actually been something i was glad i adjusted to. When i had my first child and i had to keep up at night with no hope of making up for the lost sleep during the day, it was traumatizing to deal with. I had to be strong and grow into my new found world.
When you give up the life of “I” for a life of “We”, you should be ready to loose sleep, attending to the issues of other people whose happiness are tied to yours. I have met a lot of people who get easily irritated when they don’t get enough sleep.You can’t be making people happy when you are easily getting irritated because you lost some hours of sleep. I am feeling sleepy right now but i have to deprive myself sleep till i am done with this post. Asides everything else, the joy of hitting the publish button today and knowing that i am going to help at least one person with this post keeps me going. Also the serenity, when everyone else is asleep while I work is something i crave now.
Number 2 is Disrupted plans –
Yes, every adult needs a planner, yes planning helps you be productive, Oh! He who fails to plan, plans to fail and so on and so forth. I just need you to know that its okay to ditch your perfectly planned day, when you end up at the mechanic or that business appointment when you get a call from school that your son is running a fever. Its okay to bail out last minute on your girls hang out, when Hubby calls to inform you that his mum is visiting for a few days and you suddenly have to be home earlier than planned.
Okay, those are trivial stuffs. Can we talk about the unplanned pregnancies, unplanned transfers, unplanned career change, unplanned financial strains etc.. Moments like this are major and they will test you. How you handle it will either break or make you and your marriage. As with life in general, just because we are not God, our well thought out plans, can get interrupted by God’s perfect will. Expect disruptive times, constantly train your mind to be ready for the unplanned and be flexible with your plans.
Thirdly think of Monotasking –
As much as planning helps, more to it is the skill of multitasking. I’m not advising anyone to drive and breastfeed, but you can apply makeup while breastfeeding, lol (just try it new moms if you haven’t). Believe it or not i have had to do these at some points and it was totally a superwoman moment. If there is anything i have come to love since growing into motherhood, it is the ability to multitask well, something most men in the world will give anything to have.
Running a home is a handful, with only one lively happy-go-kid. When you increase them to three, your multi tasking skills would have taken over you and it can be draining. This is not good because everything happens so fast that you don’t have time to take a breather, trying to do everything at once. In marriage, there will be times you need to slow down. Mono-tasking, is not just the opposite of Multitasking but equally guarantees a feeling of contentment. Start to deliberately monotask. Monotasking permits you to read between the lines; to listen only, when you need to keep silent; to breathe, when you need to catch your breath and be in the moment of those moments you will get to treasure forever. Click To Tweet
Everyday, Master Self sufficiency –
After all said and done, you are all you need to be happy in life. While you are single, you must understand that you are complete. No man or woman will make you happy, No amount of children will make you content with life. Even having the most accommodating in-laws does not guarantee your happiness. There will be a constant desire to want more out of life. You must work on yourself daily to develop that unwavering confidence in your unique talent and ability. You are enough for yourself, single or married, happiness is the same. Anything you consider a lack in your life, cannot be reversed nor corrected by marriage.
Starting today, Don’t get used to having people do things for you. Not even if you feel its their responsibility, because if anything goes wrong it will still be your loss. For example, Gone are the days when our mothers take full 3 months or more to stay for Omugwo, with their daughters who just put to bed. With all the push for equality, there is only so much a man can do in the home. Understanding how important it is to be self sufficient and being intentional about healthy companionship before and during marriage, makes it easy to manage your expectations from marriage and life in general. Self sufficiency is the only reason why two totally different people can compliment each other without expecting so much from the other.
Understanding is key to getting success in everything. I hope someone learnt a thing or two from this post. Moms/New moms, what are some of the things you are still struggling with? What are some of the adjustments you have made?
So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. – Col 2 vs 10